Needing Help

I’ve been stopped by the need to ask people to drive me to medical appointments. With upcoming knee surgery, I am going to need a lot of assistance. I’ve always thought of myself as willing to ask for help but there’s something different this time. In the past, when I’ve needed help, I’ve just asked. This step feels like giving up my autonomy – help now and then is one thing, but help for an extended period of time feels like the beginning of becoming old and dependent.

I think: I shouldn’t use up all my offers of help now; I will need more help in the future. There’s only so much help I can ask for.

I think: I haven’t helped other people enough to warrant being helped. (I have to be reminded that I have contributed to the sustenance of the community – giving rides to young people, supporting people in communicating with each other, driving to medical appointments and being part of end-of-life care.      

I think: I’m not worthy. A friend pointed out that there are people who find joy in providing help. I’ve seen that particularly clearly with several people around me. But I hadn’t thought of it in terms of they would find joy in helping me.

So yesterday I did send an email to the people I think I remember have offered to help me, asking for those willing to give me rides to local medical appointments to let me know. I was surprised there were 10 people on my list. And I’ve already had several positive responses.